Back from school, is your kid escaping into aloofness?
Are you able to elicit only ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses from your child that too rarely?
Do you feel your child does not look into your eyes while conversing?
If you experience one or all of these conditions, then you are not alone. Most parents of our times commonly complain about such behavior in their children. However, there are no reasons for you to get alarmed or load your heart with a ten pound weight. Understanding your child the right way and developing the right approach to dealing with your kid will let you see your kid rushing towards you so eagerly to open up its heart.
Your child’s world is different
Technically speaking, every child lives in its own world which is unlike an adult’s world. Your child’s empire is constituted by a unique set of likes, dislikes preferences, moods, sentiments, and value system. Irrespective of you being the parent, no child is comfortable to permit you into its private boundaries if he or she feels you are an alien who cannot understand the language of its independent world. Hence, learning the child’s emotional language is the Passport to your child’s world. Winning the trust of your child is the VISA to be able to enter the portals of your child’s paradise. The sooner you get them both, you and your child are going to be lucky. Failing to understand this is going to intensify the gravity of the situation and create a ridge between you and your child.
So, stop complaining about how your child responds to you! Learn the right art of parenting suitable to today’s world. And you are nearly done!
Why would a child refuse to communicate?
Though the reasons why a child would refuse to communicate would differ between kids, we can list a set of common factors that make children withdraw into their worlds:
1. Failing to understand
Someday, the kid would have shared some unpleasant experience at the school and you just yelled hysterically admonishing the child as ‘irresponsible’ or ‘immature’. Remember, no child on this earth can tolerate being reprimanded for some other’s faults. Often, the scars created by words are more painful and lasting than those left behind by physical injuries. Every child wants to be listened to and understood. When the child has suffered a physical or mental injury, it expects the parent to dress the wounds and say some comforting words. Understanding words can heal quicker than medicines.
2. Failing to appreciate
At some point of time, you might have failed to appreciate the good behavior or achievement of your child which has caused some pain. The child has now developed a feeling that none of his or her accomplishments are going to be acknowledged, praised or rewarded. So, the child might not feel any reason to share the successes.
3. Breach of trust
Three factors could have ruined the trust your child has placed in you. You would have discussed the secrets your child told you confidentially to one or more members inside or outside the family. You probably had the habit of hurting the child by recalling the past instances when the child went wrong or did not perform well. You frequently tend to compare your child with other kids.
4. Generation gap
The term ‘generation gap’ is widely used even in places where it is not appropriate. Certainly, you are decades older than your kids. However, this does not prevent you from stepping down to the child’s level to see how the kid feels, what it wishes to say and in what way the child’s outlook differs from that of yours. In fact, the idea of generation gap is a hype overstated than what it actually is. If you can succeed in letting your child feel confident in you, then you have successfully overcome the pitfalls forced by the dreaded age difference. The crucial task in parenting is to make your child feel it can easily communicate with you for any arising reason without much preparation and anxiety.
Tips for great parent – child communication
Worrying or complaining is never a remedy to improve the communication with your child. Set out a comprehensive action plan and bring in some serious and conspicuous changes in your attitude and approach. Castles are not built on a day, with a systematic plan and understanding, you will see your kid moving closer to you as the days go by. To be sustainable in the long run, this change must happen inside your child’s heart rather gradually and not forced from outside. Here are some expert tips for great parent – child communication.
- Be caring and understanding: Children highly crave for compassion, empathy and kindness. If you have developed these qualities, you have paved the royal road to access their empire. Try to be more understanding and show that you care for your child in order for your child to talk to you confidently and openly without any reservations.
- Be considerate while confronting: Children do not want to be judged or rejected bluntly. Even during the worst of the situations you might confront with regard to your child, it is important that you do not lose your balance. Never react impulsively in a hysteric manner. First get to know the facts patiently and start by sharing some similar experience you underwent to create a rapport and enhance the receptiveness in your child. If you have reasons to deny something or disapprove your child’s stand, then give enough reasons to justify your stand patiently.
- Hold your comments: Never be hasty it passing on comments and bitter advises. Take some time, work things in your own mind and try to figure out the possible impact it might have on your child. When properly articulated with the right choice of words and tone, probably you can throw all of your opinions and suggestions to be received well.
- How to make a conversation: Try to develop some starters to break the ice when your child is not spontaneous.
- If God appears before you, what would you ask first?
- If I can buy you some gift this weekend, what would you like to see in the pack?
- When your dad asks you, “What you want to change in your mom?”, what would you say to him?
- Be a good example: The ultimate way to impress your child is to set a good example. Whether you are aware of it or not, children are closely observing you all the time. Your actions speak louder than your words. Before you tell something to your child, you abide by it and win the confidence of your child. Never say, “Do what I say”. If your child starts feeling you are egoistic or blunt, then you have lost the good chance to win your kid’s confidence.